![]() ![]() Sometimes, they're tarted up and interesting tropical islands or posh restaurants, but sometimes, they show up to work with sweatpants and greasy hair, and you get stuff like the fucking sewer level, or the entire third hub world, Jungle. that balances out! I think.īut if it's good enough for Spider-Man, it's good enough for this tosh, and the swinging in itself is a strong enough core mechanic to sustain the game the physics are responsive and cathartic, and it has that Mario-style nuance where a casual player can get from one platform to the next efficiently enough, but a skilled player can bend the environment over a pommel horse and turn its buttocks the color of a workplace shooting massacre, although you might not want to if you catch the environments on a bad day. Then again, everything else on the skill tree is pretty much useless, so. ![]() That's the unique platforming mechanic we'll be getting the most mileage out of, and it works reasonably well I mean, it kind of breaks all the timed platforming challenges, 'cos you can just stop in midair and swing back and forth for as long as you need like a desperate metronome in the queue for the toilets, and towards the end, when you've gone through the skill tree, and can stop and swing four times before needing to land, it breaks every other platforming challenge, as well. To that end, our demonic protagonist is equipped with a cherub on a string that resembles how Donald Trump would look after eight hours locked in a sauna, and we can swing off it at any time in midair. You have a melee attack, but basically every enemy dies in one hit, so the game only has a combat element in the sense that the current British government has leadership traversal is the main unsanitary Jacuzzi in which we will be spending most of the inexpensive cruise vacation of this game. It's a 3D platformer where the core mechanic is making your way through one of a variety of colorful themed environments looking for the vile, disgusting objects on your scavenger hunt list, and optionally, some vile, disgusting upgrade tokens to develop your movement skills. Yeah, swirl that one around the taste buds for a bit like a mouthful of vinegary cum!īut let's daintily put the cum to one side and focus on gameplay first. See, my mistake was expecting a certain amount of wit from the game Hell Pie is, to spoil my final summary, Conker's Bad Fur Day without the wit. ![]() So I guess it really wasn't a pun, just a frank description it's a game about a pie from Hell. We're in the realms of Conker's Bad Fur Day, that outwardly discourages being played by innocent kiddywinks 'cos it's full of wee-wees and poo-poos, and as always, this is a slim and slightly pathetic facade, 'cos it's only kiddywinks that are remotely amused by such things, and actual adults, who watch documentaries about the Cuban Missile Crisis and shit, find it more tiresome than shocking it's like when the toddler looks over to make sure you're watching before they dump an entire box of garlic powder onto the cat.Īnd if you're anything like me, you're wondering even now if the title is supposed to be a pun on "hell to pay", perhaps? Or "eel pie"? Or is "hell pie" some new cruel euphemism for the vagina of someone with bipolar disorder? Anyway, the framing premise is, you are a demon in Hell, and you are tasked with gathering all the ingredients for Satan's special birthday pie. Hell Pie gleefully self-identifies as an obscene platformer on the Steam page, and you pretty much know what to expect from anything that calls itself obscene. So why hasn't it come up in general discourse? And then I played it for a bit and thought, "Oh, you know what it might be? It might be because it's completely fucking disgusting, and no one's talking about it for the same reason people don't sit at the bar of a tapas restaurant, talking about how their menstrual flow has been unusually gelatinous this month." No, it's a 3D collectathon platformer in your classic N64-era Banjo-Kazooie sort of mold, with the kind of visual variety and interesting "easy to learn, hard to master" platforming mechanics that requires actual fucking effort to make, and it hits all the right notes that made A Hat in Time stand out so well. I'd heard nothing about it before it popped up on Steam last week and very little subsequent discussion in the wider realms, and I wondered why that should be it's not the sort of thing that usually falls into the background noise of Steam indie releases, in that it's not a survival crafter, an RPG Maker game, or a visual novel about being an anthropomorphic vixen with a penis who's also Hitler. I usually focus on games with a bit of buzz around them, but sometimes, like a room believed to contain an angry wasp, it's the lack of a buzz that can make me slightly more attentive, as was the case with this week's subject, Hell Pie. This week in Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee reviews Hell Pie. ![]()
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